your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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