Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
