There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
