He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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