Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
