OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
