there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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