dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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