I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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