Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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