I can't breathe out the right side of my face
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
