Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
