I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
