im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
