Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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