ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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