i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
