you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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