So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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