And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
