Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
