Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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