Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Someone came in the potted fern
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
