i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
