Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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