sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
