Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never underestimate the power of titties
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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