I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
