Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
