I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
