I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
