If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
