Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
