nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
