Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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