Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
