I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
