Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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