It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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