two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
