On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
