Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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