just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
