I am spending my child support on dildos
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
