And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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