He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
