I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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