How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
