I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
