The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
