you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
