FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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