barbara walters just said penis...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
