I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
