Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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