shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
